dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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