And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
