So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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