and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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