She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
