fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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