Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
