Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
