But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
