i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
