hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
