So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
