I am spending my child support on dildos
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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