yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
