I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
