once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dignity is for republicans.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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