she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize