For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize