Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
