Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
