Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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