Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
