I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
