i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Drunk is not a location!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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