Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
