My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
