Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
