Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
