I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
