I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
