So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
