I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
