this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
