Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
