I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
