You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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