I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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