In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
