Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
