Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
