Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
