you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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