I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize