Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
pop tarts are not kleenex
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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