I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
