I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
