i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
