And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
