For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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