The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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