Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
now i know why i became what i already was.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
