I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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