Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
ttyl tear gas
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
