my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize