I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
