Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
