I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
