I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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