so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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