Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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