how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
