I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
