Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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