i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
