i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
