i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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