i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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