So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
