Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
