last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
