College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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