Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
