I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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