I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
