dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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