the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
