Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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