I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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