so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
