Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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