Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
