I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize