had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
