Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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