He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
