You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
