Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
