Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
At least make sure they are 18
Why
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
