Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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