from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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