Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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