So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
