I think im going to throw up on grandma
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
