Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
