Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
did you just send me my own nude
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize