i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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