I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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