Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize