Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Rumble strips road head = magical
I want to be your penis for a week.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
