You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
