goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
